by Elayne Savage, PhD
I love the visual image history offers on the origins of 'sabotage.' You may know that 'sabot' is a French word meaning wooden shoe or clog.
It's said the term originated during the Industrial Revolution when
discontented workers threw their sabots into factory machinery to damage
it. The word 'saboteur' came to mean 'working carelessly,'
'clumsiness,’ 'botching' or ‘bungling,’ The meaning broadened to
include any purposeful and disruptive behavior.
Do you ever find yourself clogging up or jamming your machinery with
self-doubt about your capability and competence?
What's Your M.O. for Self-sabotage?
Over the years I've become an expert at my own self-sabotage. I've encountered windows of opportunity, but let them float by without acting. I have been known to mis-address correspondence, make typing errors on important emails when I wanted to impress someone, and misspeak on quite a few occasions. Once I even missed a plane when I was on my way to present a program for an out-of state organization!
Now I recheck things before sending them out and plan carefully - especially when I want to impress someone. That seems to be when I screw up the most!
Self-sabotage is self-rejecting behavior. And there are a multitude of
ways we manage to sabotage ourselves.
Self-sabotage can take a myriad of forms. We sabotage relationships — both work and personal. We sabotage our well-being. We sabotage respect for ourselves.
Have you ever pushed yourself so hard on the treadmill or bicycling or running that you strain a muscle and can't exercise again for two weeks. That, too, is a form of self-sabotage, even though it really feels good in the moment.
Sometimes we make relationship choices that are set-ups for rejection and disappointment — another form of self-sabotage.
Sloppy business practices are another form of self-sabotage.
Missed opportunities, not listening carefully enough to our inner voice.
Sometimes we seem to have a need to punish ourselves. Maybe even for every "bad" thing we've ever done! Self-sabotage is often the method of choice. Most of the time we aren't really aware we are doing it.
Self-sabotage is one of the ways we deal with anxiety. Other ways we deflect anxiety are avoidance, procrastination, perfectionism, and making excuses. You could say these are all forms of self-sabotage.
This earlier e-letter/blog addressed the the tug-of-war of ambivalence:
http://www.tipsfromthequeenofrejection.com/2006/12/whispers_and_ro.html
And here is link that explores the fears we encounter when we put ourselves out there and try something new:
http://www.tipsfromthequeenofrejection.com/2006/11/fear_of_tryingt.html
Often we find ourselves hitting the wall of Resistance (with a capital 'R') as Steven Pressfield so exquisitely describes in 'The War of Art.'
'The War of Art' (A book about Inner Battles)
Robert McKee in a Forward to the 'The War of Art' (Warner, 2003). says Resistance is Pressfield's "all-encompassing term for what Freud called the Death Wish — that destructive force inside human nature that rises whenever we consider a tough, tong-term course of action that might do for us or others something that's actually good." He goes on to describe the manifestations of Resistance as "a force that lives within us all — self-sabotage, self-deception and self-corruption."
Pressfield describes Resistance: ". . . the most toxic force on the planet . . . To yield to Resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be . . . As powerful as is our soul's call to realization, so potent are the forces of Resistance arrayed against it . . . Resistance defeats us. If tomorrow morning by some stroke of magic every dazed and benighted soul woke up with the power to take the first step toward pursuing his or her dreams, overnight every shrink in the directory would be out of business. Prisons would stand empty. The alcohol and tobacco industries would collapse, along with the junk food, cosmetic surgery, and infotainment businesses, not to mention pharmaceutical companies, hospitals and the medical profession from top to bottom. Domestic abuse would become extinct, as would addiction, obesity, migraine headaches, road rage and dandruff."
You Can Change Your Perceptions
Although we are all too aware of many of our doubts and fears, some are blind spots, below our radar.
In order to overcome self-sabotage we first have to become conscious of them. If we can't see something, we can't change it.
We have to recognize our doubts and fears and understand how they affect our behaviors. I often speak and write about 'walking alongs side yourself' and mindfully recognizing your thoughts and behaviors, then making a conscious choice to experiment with trying out new behavior.
Ask yourself: Why might I be holding myself back? What am I uncomfortable about? What uncertainties do I have? What might I be afraid of?
Which am I afraid of more — failure or success?
Ask yourself "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Then say the answer out loud. Even better to state it out loud to another person like a partner, friend, coach or therapist. Hearing yourself say the words seems to take the charge off of the fear.
What would it take for you to become your own best supporter instead of your worst saboteur?
© Elayne Savage, PhD
For more articles and tips:
www.QueenofRejection.com
Blog: www.TipsFromTheQueenOfRejection.com
Communication Tips: Twitter@ElayneSavage
Linkedin.com/in/elaynesavage
Recent Comments