By Elayne Savage, PhD
Often experiences from early years hold us back from navigating successfully in the present.
My work for over 25 years is helping coaching and consulting clients and workshop participants move past roadblocks caused by early negative messages from peers, teachers or family.
Here are some strategies for building self-acceptance, self-respect and self-appreciation:
• Separate the 'then' from the 'now.' Remind yourself that certain beliefs that may have seemed true in childhood are no longer applicable.
• Recognize that early experiences tend to replay. We tend to gravitate toward familiar personalities and experiences, including partners or bosses.
• Remind yourself you do have choices We tend to forget (or never knew.)
• Walk alongside yourself. Notice and observe — that gives you some objectivity, gets the flow going, and opens up space for making choices. You don't have to continue down the same path once you realize how you got there. You can learn to choose to return to that fork in the road and try out another road.
• Become skilled at communicating. Most folks could use some practice in identifying their needs and respectfully communicating them as a request instead of a complaint.
• Identifying and honoring your small successes that build a sense of accomplishment, self-respect, and self-confidence. I love the idea of making a small pile of paper clips or marbles or coins. Whenever a small success comes your way, start a new pile and watch it grow! I call this the Pile of Validations.
• Check in with yourself about how you are reacting (or overreacting) to perceived slights. Are you taking it personally? Are you feeling rejected in some way? What part of this is old? Does the present situation warrant such a powerful reaction? Ask yourself how much energy you want to put into dealing with old feelings in this way.
• Or would you rather make the choice to enhance the positive and move forward?
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Adapted from Don't Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection New Harbinger Publications and iUniverse
Dr. Elayne Savage specializes in improving communication and connection in personal and workplace relationships. She is a practicing psychotherapist, workplace relationship consultant, professional speaker and author of relationship books published in 9 languages: Don’t Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection, and Breathing Room-Creating Space to Be a Couple
For more articles and tips:
www.QueenofRejection.com
Blog: www.TipsFromTheQueenOfRejection.com
Communication Tips: Twitter@ElayneSavage
Linkedin.com/in/elaynesavage
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